From the Archives: The Destruction of Identity

I posted this for school last year when studying the book of Zephaniah. I hope you enjoy it! :)


"I think the message hidden deep behind the lines of Zephaniah or any other book that speaks about God’s judgment is so simple that we seem to miss it in our attempt to figure out when things were or will be fulfilled. Destruction and judgment come through a misunderstanding of who God is, and who we are. They come through a misunderstanding of identity.

We see judgment coming for both Israel and those who have oppressed or are going to oppress Israel. Why? Because they’ve turned away from the Lord. They seek idols, and worship the stars, all the while claiming the name of God, all the while claiming to love and serve Him. They pervert justice and do what’s wrong in the sight of the Lord. Basically, they place their identity in everything but God. They’ve chosen something and someone else to define who they are, what they’re worth, and what they’re supposed to do. That’s where the biggest problem lies: They’ve chosen to belong to someone else. They’ve chosen a different identity, one that’s not defined by God.

And God’s call through the prophet Zephaniah is clear. It’s a call to look to the Lord once more, to seek Him and live according to His standard. To place their identity back in Him:

“Seek the Lord, all you humble of the land, who do his commands; seek righteousness, seek humility; perhaps you may be hidden on the day of the Lord’s wrath.” – Zeph. 2:3

It’s a simple call. It’s a call that has the reader and obeyer’s best interest in mind: that they might live. That they would miss the wrath instead of receiving it full on. It’s a call to repent and renounce the identity in other things, the identity that is driven by sin. Not only this, but God promises that He will bring about this switching of identity, He will save those who humble themselves before Him, those who seek righteousness instead of seeking idols and personal gain. He promises that His people will be found in Him, that they will be brought home, and He will rejoice over them, fight for them, protect them, and love them forever. He gives hope, He gives a way to escape the wrath of God. It takes faith. And it takes the laying down of things that you love, yet are wrong, and the placing of your entire being, worth, and world in the hands of God. It’s about being found in Him.

So I don’t know if I’ve made sense in this blog post. I hope I have. And to try and emphasize my point and bring it into a contemporary light, I’ve chosen a part of the following song to explain a little bit more of everything I’m trying to say…

“How do I gauge success, Why do I say I’m blessed, Huh?

Is it the car that I drive or the place that I rest or the way that I dress, now?

Is the cause of my pride,the stage and the set or my face in the press, now?

Cause the applause it dies

When the praise is less if my face is depressed, then

It’s cause my value and worth is in the volume of the work I produce in the booth

It’s a prize and a curse if defined by the perks when the truth is through

Man I’m goin’ feel like I don’t want to live no more, no more, no more

Cause they don’t like me like they did in 04,04,04

So, I swallow my pride empowered by God, I’m complete in Him

He’s got peace God’s priest I’m in

In His presence weak-His strength

Meet His kin We His brethren

Read this list:

Me forgiven, He’s dismissed guilt and my sin, and I find my worth cause I’m Jesus’ friend

[ Chorus ] I’m not the shoes I wear, I’m not the clothes I buy

I’m am not the house I live in, I’m not the car I drive, I’m not the job I work,

You can’t define my worth by nothing on God’s green earth, my identity is found in Christ.”

- Identity, by Lecrae -

Without a solid identity, we have nothing. With it we gain everything, the best things, including God and eternity."

The Hope of the "Unhinged"

It's been a long time! Honestly, I'm just posting this because I don't want this blog to go inactive. So it's a post that some or maybe all of you have already read, but if you haven't I hope you enjoy it. :)

  There are moments in my job when I not only feel, but also know God is working in my heart through the work He’s doing in the lives of those around me. 

  In many ways I am like, very much like, one of my favorite Jane Austen heroines: Elinor Dashwood (Sense & Sensibility). Yes, our first names are similar, but that is not where the similarity is found. I would never claim to be as wise as Elinor, but like her, I don’t enjoy, thrive in, or find comfort in showing emotion, unless it’s positive emotion and isn’t at all personal. I hide many of my emotions, and not because I’m a mental case or in need of some great help, but because in many ways that’s how I’m wired. I can be crazy, I can be sad, I can be excited...but in general it’s nothing very extreme to watch-in public anyway. 

  Last week I found, for the first time, that grading someone else’s homework can be a very emotional process. For the first time in my life I cried over one small written paragraph. That paragraph will follow me for the rest of my life. It was simple. It wasn’t something huge, but it was something that revealed a much bigger picture. Even now, when I think about it, I choke up. I was given the honor of peeping into the life, heart, mind, and soul of one of the students...and it brought me to my knees before the Lord. What picked me up, and continues to pick me up when I think about this, is hope. Why? Because in Jesus there’s always hope. 

  There are a couple things I could say about this experience and why it’s significant. One of them is that I firmly believe that if I’d read that paragraph a year ago it would not have affected me the way it did last week. I really did “loose it”. And I lost it in a good way. I became unhinged, not for myself or because of something I had done, but for the first time I really and truly became unhinged for someone else, and for something else that had absolutely nothing to do with me. I witnessed true vulnerability, and I glanced into the battle, life, and journey of another person in a way that I never did before.

  So as I say all this, the point I want to end on is this: strength is found in Jesus. This world, without Him, is doomed. Those truths sound so simple, so basic, and they’ve been so abused...but they’re true! And I find, more and more every day, that it’s the simple things that reveal the big picture. The normal, every day, monotonous happenings that we take for granted...those are the things that form us, mess with us, reveal our character, and show us our need for a saviour. 

  What’s more, I found joy, even while crying, in realizing that I am changing, that God is working on me in ways I didn’t even know He was. I stand in awe of the fact that in spite of my idea of who I am, God is still forming me into who He wants me to be. I found comfort in realizing that there are times when it’s perfectly alright to be an Elinor Dashwood and bring it all out in private. Strength is not found in never becoming unhinged, but neither is it found in being unable to keep things together and being a constant mess. Strength is found in bringing things to Jesus and allowing Him to carry them for you, give you wisdom in them, and teach you what you need to know from and about them. And I continue to be amazed at just how much life in community molds you. 

  So whoever you are, whether a mom, a dad, a wife, a husband, working, single, young, old, able or handicapped...if you’re reading this remember these truths:

Maybe it sounds corny, but you’re on your own journey...you cannot be someone else.

Your journey is a part of another persons journey, so don’t think it’s of more or less value than the person sitting next to you on the bus. 

And whatever you do: it all comes back to Jesus. It’s His story we’re proclaiming and living by. It’s His story that all of our lives point to. It’s His story that brings redemption and restoration to our mess. It’s His story that allows us to realize how lost we are. And it’s Him that gives us the chance to learn to love each other the way He loved us. 

Without Jesus, I don’t know where I’d be right now. With Jesus, I can wake up knowing I am where I should be. 

Without Jesus, “unhinged” becomes the norm. With Jesus, the norm is that even when I am unhinged, I can still stand tall and continue to function. The world does not fall apart. 

Without Jesus, there is no hope. With Jesus, the hope never ends and always picks me up. 

I am unhinged. Jesus is my hope. He stands firm when I fail. 

A Letter to You...

(I wrote this a while ago about a wedding that, to me, feels more like a funeral or pre-funeral. My friend that it's addressed to doesn't speak English and will never read it. But I needed to put it up anyway. Thanks for reading...)

A day of joy with laughter
Should be the day approaching
With love and songs rejoicing
Should such a day be marked.

Faith holds true, but hope deserts me
And my heart, I know, does not lie
it feels a burden, a deep burning cry
My ears hear the toll of a bell.

This not the first, nor the last
Is a day of many tears
Which will be constant throughout the years
A part of me has died today.

What happened and when?
I've asked it many times
Searched for the reason why such a crime
Should ever be permitted.

But it's not my place
To choose your choice
My opinion I can voice
But all the rest is up to you.

I stand by you now,
I always will,
With a love no trial can ever kill
I'm always here for you.

Like from a nightmare
I wish to awake
I cannot run, I can't escape
It's one dream to which I must know the end.

My heart is broken
As you stop and take the vow
Never felt such agony as now
Love has a price, it's pain, that's the truth.

Goodbye
I love you.
God help you!
I cannot...

Imagine This

All the faces you've ever seen, all the people you've ever known or loved, and all those conversations, thoughts, and feelings you have begin to blend together. The faces seem to melt and merge with each other like wax. All the feelings and love begin to mix together until you feel sick: it's like the smell of dirty feet joining with the fragrance of a sweet perfume.

Your eyes are blurry, your mind explodes in thought, and your heart goes numb. The water you put in the freezer has hardened, but the oil is still soft, slick, and boiling. That love and hate that you carry inside have colided and you're at a loss as to what to do. You can't escape what you're feeling and you can no longer see clearly or hear precisely what's being said, though voices and words to fill the voices never seem to cease. Your world has flooded and the waves are getting bigger.

The waves are memories. You're a grain of sand on the beach being refined by the constant crashing back and forth. And it hurts...but the beautiful sunsets make it so worth the pain...

A Pianist...

Passion, bitterness
you pour it all
into one sweet melody.

Strength in your fingers
expressing
what you cannot.

Keys come alive
as you touch them
they fly.

Speaking truth
and wearing no mask
laughing as they travel.

This is how you face
what most
cannot bear to see.

On and on
the music sings
aching and soothing.

Desperate to let go
longing to hold tight
this is your moment...your song...your life...you are brave...

Sun

Clouds come, I watch it

through the haze.

Slowly, faithfully

it burns all haze away.

As it dances

teasing me across

the field

I bend my cheek

it kisses my face

I long to stare

to turn my full gaze

as deep as I did

in the midst of the haze

but brilliant

far too brilliant

is the beauty

that meets my eyes.

It shines far above

and I, a mere human

love, yet can not bear

the full power of its warmth.

It plays along the water

a sweet song I see

but do not hear

not with a mortal ear.

It laughs through 

the trees, makes

jewels come alive.

All things grow towards it

all diminish and fade

in the depth of its light,

without it there is no beauty.

And at night, in the dark

it takes no rest

it needs no rest

I see it still

reflected high

looking calmly, peacefully

down on me. 

Then, and only then

in the shadow of its might

can I turn and have my fill

in the stillness of the night.

For its rays and its beauty

are only a taste and a touch

of your greater 

much greater glory.

How Many More?

How many more?
My heart weighs heavy,
my soul screams out,
my mind rages
in anger,
in grief,
in strong disbelief.

What happened,
and why?
What went wrong?
Hear my cry!

How many more?
How many will fall?
Believing lies
not esteeming
their hearts
their minds
their singular beauty.

What happened
and why?
Who planted
that sad lie?

How many more?
Though faith overwhelms,
and love consumes
the question continues
in my anger,
in my tears,
in my grief filled heart.

What happened?
Father, why?
Draw them close,
hear their cry...

Here it comes...

Here it comes!

It's coming hard,
It's coming fast,
It never slows,
It won't stop,
It cannot be held back!

It waits for no one,
has much to say...
It's beautiful,
painful,
and, oh, so short!

Its love is life,
Its end, at times,
is death...
It cannot be bribed
or borrowed.

Can you see it?
Can you hear it?
It's the future!

Dusty

Each particle of dust

gathered

gradually on a shelf.

There they sit.

No 

wiping can remove...

No 

blowing can diminish...

No

water can wash away

the intensity

that,

put all together,

they create.

They cover the shelf

in a haze...

like memories do

my mind.

And, I, myself

am the room

the shelf sits in.

Quietly...

Calmly...

Dusty...

My Christmas...

  When I was a little girl Christmas had a certain meaning, taste and feel. Snow and cold were usually there. A family party, Christmas shopping, turkey dinner, Christmas Eve Church service, and even Subway, all meant that Christmas was coming. I always knew what Christmas was really about, and loved singing Christmas carols. The mixed smell of pie and pine tree, or a yummy candle were always around as well. I never believed in Santa, but I saw him all around every year. And if there was enough snow, sledding was the best thing to do before or after or on Christmas day...especially since I didn't have to do school! I have fond memories of my childhood Christmases. They're special, they're a treasure. I remember being in a Christmas play one year when I was six or seven and how much fun I had. Pizza Hut for dinner before picking out a tree was something I loved...it meant I could have pop!

  There are lots of good memories in there...but this year I find myself comparing. The taste and feel are so different now. When someone says Christmas, the first thing that pops into my head is not snow or presents. It's not even a tree. I see great mounds of ripe, sweet tangerine's, and piles of sugar cane. Piñata's, the rush to finish up the Christmas play preparation, and lots of good hot punch are what come to mind. Turkey dinner, and the tree, are still there. But I have forgotten snow...if it were to snow here everyone would freeze...it would be awful! The cold winter frosted mornings and nights are enough around here. I don't dream of a white Christmas. I envision a bright, clear day with just enough chill in it to need a long sleeved shirt or a sweater. I see stall upon stall downtown filled with sparklers and "onions", and hear the grating music of Christmas lights. I see huge manger scenes in restaurants, on the street, or in the Catholic Church. And I see my Church. I see its stage. And I remember my very first Christmas I ever spent here. All of it. I can see year after year, and play after play acted out on that stage, but the first one...the first one is the dearest and the clearest.

  God has given me so much. And while I remember the biggest gift He gave me this year the same as the others...I remember everything else He's given me since then. I was given a toilet plunger as a joke one year (please don't ask why). Needless to say I didn't love that present. But as strange as it sounds, I'm thankful this year for all the toilet plungers that God has given me, in other words, all the presents I didn't want or enjoy, but needed. I've used that one many times, and it's been a great help. And so have all the others. We can ask for what we want, but it won't necessarily be what we need. Thankfully, God loves us. He puts us where we are for a reason. He lets things happen to us for a reason. Thankfully, He hasn't given me everything I've wanted, but much more than that. He's given me gifts that I didn't want or even like, because He knew I'd need them later on. And thankfully He continues to do so.

Merry Christmas everyone! Love you all!

~Ellen

It Still Remains...

Many dreams we've dreamed away

they've faded, then come back again...

Conversations, long at night

serious, lovely, bright and deep...

Silliness, never failing to appear,

cheer up, and fade again...

The horror, trying to defeat

all love and friendship there might be...

Yet there it is, it still remains

a tested love of friends, of sisters...

A Picture

Peace in turmoil

so undeserved...

Company in loneliness

so lovely...

Laughter in tears

so surprising...

Calm in fear

so reassuring...

Beauty in pain

I never expected to see...

The Gateway to Your Heart

It's in that moment
when push comes to shove
when you're standing on the edge
where your legs begin to bend
where hate turns to love.
There's a gateway to your heart
It's called the human mind.
Through it all things must enter
In it all things are weighed.
The garbage can that is my mind.
And it trembles, oh so much
standing on that edge
receiving that gentle shove.
Its filth cannot understand
cannot grasp or withstand
the beauty placed before it.

Friends...

  I have many friends. Yes, despite being home schooled, I have many friends. Can you believe it?! ;-D And they're all different. Some are shy, others outgoing. Some weak, others strong. Some quiet, others very loud. Some crazy, others "normal". Some give me so much...much more than I deserve. Others, I'm told, are given much by me. Either way, they're still my friends. But it's not about how much you get, it's about how much you give. It's not about how well the gift is received, it's about the sincerity of the gift being given, and the honesty of the love. We may be doing something, or giving something, but why?
 

  God created us for relationship, but He didn't give us life with the expectancy that we would return His love. He gave it knowing full well that we would reject Him. And yet the key here is that He still gave it. He loved us from the beginning, despite how and who we are. Shouldn't our actions reflect His when His Spirit dwells within us? He has called us friends, yet how much more does He give us? How often do we fail and sin against Him? There's so much I could say and philosophize about. But I won't. It would ruin the flavor of words, and detract from all thoughts. I'll leave you with a couple quotes though and a few questions.
 
  "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude or self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 1 Cor. 13:4-8a
 
  "Love alters not when it alteration finds..." William Shakespeare
 
  "Love = An intense feeling of deep affection." Dictionary
 
  What is love?
  Does our human understanding measure up to the fullness of this word?
  Does love alter, or is it intimacy that alters?
  Does love discipline, punish, and even let go of another?

I know my answers to these questions. Do you know yours?

Invisible

Invisible people
feeling much
and saying little
they smile
then laugh
then slip away
to cry
fading
from memory
invisible.

Look around
do.
you.
see.
them?

"Non-remembrance"

Slipping, delightfully, into non-remembrance

so easy to do

so tempting, it looks so fine...

But that moment of sweet misery: remembrance

so hard to do

not tempting, but much better...

I hold you close in my heart, dear and loved

where tears stay on

where joy causes pain and freedom...

I am truly blessed...

Night Silence

In the silence of the night

the world around me speaks

And the working of my mind

turning 'round, it creeps.

The eyes of my imagination

look from right to left

Up and down

they search

and search

seeking thus to find...

In the silence of the night.

Mr. Incredible...not Mr. Perfect...

   I think we've all seen "The Incredibles". It's fun, it's funny, and it's not only for kids. I've seen it many times, but this time some things really stood out to me. I don't normally find deep meanings or life examples in movies. But this time, I think I did. So bear with me if it comes out a little corny!:)

  Superheroes are special. They have a power that no one else does, that no ordinary human could possibly have. It's a gift. Others can try to have this gift, or at least pretend to have it through tricks and creativity. This is what Syndrome tried to do, isn't it? But it was all a farse. His mask was fake and useless because it hid nothing of the real him...isn't that why superheroes wear masks? As a disguise? All of Syndrome's powers were self-made, defeatable, unnatural, and for purely selfish reasons. The only gift he had was great intelligence, and this he used for his own gain instead of as a means of helping others. The Incredibles and other "supers" however, did not work for merely their own gain. They worked towards protecting others and bringing hope and peace to the world. They had real and natural gifts, something truly special. Supers are not perfect however. They are merely super.

Bob has incredible strength and used it for good, but when hard times came a lot of what he did had to do with his ego and feeling good about himself.


Helen could stretch all over the place and punch anyone out, but she loved to criticize, argue over unimportant things, and pretend that super power was nothing.

Violet could disappear and create forcefields, but she was insecure and didn't quite know who she was.

Dash could run forever, even on water, but he was over curious and very disobedient.


And Jack-Jack? Well, he was a baby!:P



  I don't know if in all this writing you understand what I'm trying to get at. We, as Christians, are the supers. We are special and different from normal people in that we have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of us. He is our power, our super power who enables us to do great things. And He gives us a gift, or several gifts (like Violet and Jack-Jack). Gifts for us to use. Gifts that no one else can have. They can copy and play at having them for a while (like Syndrome), but their plan and game eventually fall through. They lose. They lose everything they had gained for themselves. They even lose their life.
  And every super is different. No two are alike. Why? Because that's how God made us. He built us for community. He built us to compliment each other, to depend on each other, and to help each other. He didn't build us to work alone, because when you work alone you end up like Syndrome. When you work alone or try to, you end up like Bob: frustrated and scared of losing his family. But there's no fear in real love. Real love fights on, and real love fights alongside those around it. Why? Because together we're stronger. Alone Bob couldn't defeat the robot. Together they killed it.

  How many times though do we fall into doing things, and into using our gifts to make us feel good like Bob? How many times do we down-talk the power living within us and "poo-poo" (if you'll pardon the expression) the gifts we've been given like Helen? How often do we lose our identity and not communicate like Violet? How much curiosity do we allow to overcome us and so we disobey like Dash? I plead guilty, do you?
  We aren't perfect, but we are supers. We need the men to step up, lead, and "intervene" just like Helen asked Bob to! We need the women to stand beside the men and encourage the men like Helen does in the end, not be argumentative like Luscious' wife! And we need to all keep our focus on God, on Jesus and what He's done for us. Because without Him, we're nothing...even together. And through all the trials, even if we're scared or need stitches, we'll come out stronger from them in the end. Just like the Incredibles.
  So what are you waiting for? You've been given a wonderful gift, maybe more than one. Are you using it?

No Picture...

No picture can paint

the scene in my head.

Brushstrokes are to hard

paint is too thin.

No photographer could capture

the beauty of it.

The scene is too large

the lighting too impossible.

No drawing can do justice

to the scene behind my eyes.

Pencil marks would mar it

black and white do not describe it.

It's simple.

It's lovely.

It's perfect.

Her Eyes...

 Her eyes
are like jewels
in
a sea of white
they shine
they
stick out
they speak...