Two Roads

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Dusty

Each particle of dust
gathered
gradually on a shelf.

There they sit.

No 
wiping can remove...

No 
blowing can diminish...

No
water can wash away
the intensity
that,
put all together,
they create.

They cover the shelf
in a haze...
like memories do
my mind.

And, I, myself
am the room
the shelf sits in.

Quietly...
Calmly...
Dusty...

Thursday, December 23, 2010

My Christmas...

  When I was a little girl Christmas had a certain meaning, taste and feel. Snow and cold were usually there. A family party, Christmas shopping, turkey dinner, Christmas Eve Church service, and even Subway, all meant that Christmas was coming. I always knew what Christmas was really about, and loved singing Christmas carols. The mixed smell of pie and pine tree, or a yummy candle were always around as well. I never believed in Santa, but I saw him all around every year. And if there was enough snow, sledding was the best thing to do before or after or on Christmas day...especially since I didn't have to do school! I have fond memories of my childhood Christmases. They're special, they're a treasure. I remember being in a Christmas play one year when I was six or seven and how much fun I had. Pizza Hut for dinner before picking out a tree was something I loved...it meant I could have pop!


  There are lots of good memories in there...but this year I find myself comparing. The taste and feel are so different now. When someone says Christmas, the first thing that pops into my head is not snow or presents. It's not even a tree. I see great mounds of ripe, sweet tangerine's, and piles of sugar cane. PiƱata's, the rush to finish up the Christmas play preparation, and lots of good hot punch are what come to mind. Turkey dinner, and the tree, are still there. But I have forgotten snow...if it were to snow here everyone would freeze...it would be awful! The cold winter frosted mornings and nights are enough around here. I don't dream of a white Christmas. I envision a bright, clear day with just enough chill in it to need a long sleeved shirt or a sweater. I see stall upon stall downtown filled with sparklers and "onions", and hear the grating music of Christmas lights. I see huge manger scenes in restaurants, on the street, or in the Catholic Church. And I see my Church. I see its stage. And I remember my very first Christmas I ever spent here. All of it. I can see year after year, and play after play acted out on that stage, but the first one...the first one is the dearest and the clearest.

  God has given me so much. And while I remember the biggest gift He gave me this year the same as the others...I remember everything else He's given me since then. I was given a toilet plunger as a joke one year (please don't ask why). Needless to say I didn't love that present. But as strange as it sounds, I'm thankful this year for all the toilet plungers that God has given me, in other words, all the presents I didn't want or enjoy, but needed. I've used that one many times, and it's been a great help. And so have all the others. We can ask for what we want, but it won't necessarily be what we need. Thankfully, God loves us. He puts us where we are for a reason. He lets things happen to us for a reason. Thankfully, He hasn't given me everything I've wanted, but much more than that. He's given me gifts that I didn't want or even like, because He knew I'd need them later on. And thankfully He continues to do so.


Merry Christmas everyone! Love you all!

~Ellen

Friday, December 17, 2010

It Still Remains...


Many dreams we've dreamed away
they've faded, then come back again...


Conversations, long at night
serious, lovely, bright and deep...


Silliness, never failing to appear,
cheer up, and fade again...


The horror, trying to defeat
all love and friendship there might be...


Yet there it is, it still remains
a tested love of friends, of sisters...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A Picture


Peace in turmoil
so undeserved...

Company in loneliness
so lovely...

Laughter in tears
so surprising...

Calm in fear
so reassuring...

Beauty in pain
I never expected to see...

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Gateway to Your Heart

It's in that moment
when push comes to shove
when you're standing on the edge
where your legs begin to bend
where hate turns to love.
There's a gateway to your heart
It's called the human mind.
Through it all things must enter
In it all things are weighed.
The garbage can that is my mind.
And it trembles, oh so much
standing on that edge
receiving that gentle shove.
Its filth cannot understand
cannot grasp or withstand
the beauty placed before it.

Friends...

  I have many friends. Yes, despite being home schooled, I have many friends. Can you believe it?! ;-D And they're all different. Some are shy, others outgoing. Some weak, others strong. Some quiet, others very loud. Some crazy, others "normal". Some give me so much...much more than I deserve. Others, I'm told, are given much by me. Either way, they're still my friends. But it's not about how much you get, it's about how much you give. It's not about how well the gift is received, it's about the sincerity of the gift being given, and the honesty of the love. We may be doing something, or giving something, but why?
 

  God created us for relationship, but He didn't give us life with the expectancy that we would return His love. He gave it knowing full well that we would reject Him. And yet the key here is that He still gave it. He loved us from the beginning, despite how and who we are. Shouldn't our actions reflect His when His Spirit dwells within us? He has called us friends, yet how much more does He give us? How often do we fail and sin against Him? There's so much I could say and philosophize about. But I won't. It would ruin the flavor of words, and detract from all thoughts. I'll leave you with a couple quotes though and a few questions.
 
  "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude or self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 1 Cor. 13:4-8a
 
  "Love alters not when it alteration finds..." William Shakespeare
 
  "Love = An intense feeling of deep affection." Dictionary
 
  What is love?
  Does our human understanding measure up to the fullness of this word?
  Does love alter, or is it intimacy that alters?
  Does love discipline, punish, and even let go of another?

I know my answers to these questions. Do you know yours?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Invisible

Invisible people
feeling much
and saying little
they smile
then laugh
then slip away
to cry
fading
from memory
invisible.

Look around
do.
you.
see.
them?

Monday, November 29, 2010

"Non-remembrance"

Slipping, delightfully, into non-remembrance
so easy to do
so tempting, it looks so fine...

But that moment of sweet misery: remembrance
so hard to do
not tempting, but much better...

I hold you close in my heart, dear and loved
where tears stay on
where joy causes pain and freedom...


I am truly blessed...

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Night Silence


In the silence of the night
the world around me speaks
And the working of my mind
turning 'round, it creeps.
The eyes of my imagination
look from right to left
Up and down
they search
and search
seeking thus to find...

In the silence of the night.

Mr. Incredible...not Mr. Perfect...

   I think we've all seen "The Incredibles". It's fun, it's funny, and it's not only for kids. I've seen it many times, but this time some things really stood out to me. I don't normally find deep meanings or life examples in movies. But this time, I think I did. So bear with me if it comes out a little corny!:)

  Superheroes are special. They have a power that no one else does, that no ordinary human could possibly have. It's a gift. Others can try to have this gift, or at least pretend to have it through tricks and creativity. This is what Syndrome tried to do, isn't it? But it was all a farse. His mask was fake and useless because it hid nothing of the real him...isn't that why superheroes wear masks? As a disguise? All of Syndrome's powers were self-made, defeatable, unnatural, and for purely selfish reasons. The only gift he had was great intelligence, and this he used for his own gain instead of as a means of helping others. The Incredibles and other "supers" however, did not work for merely their own gain. They worked towards protecting others and bringing hope and peace to the world. They had real and natural gifts, something truly special. Supers are not perfect however. They are merely super.
Bob has incredible strength and used it for good, but when hard times came a lot of what he did had to do with his ego and feeling good about himself.


Helen could stretch all over the place and punch anyone out, but she loved to criticize, argue over unimportant things, and pretend that super power was nothing.
Violet could disappear and create forcefields, but she was insecure and didn't quite know who she was.

Dash could run forever, even on water, but he was over curious and very disobedient.


And Jack-Jack? Well, he was a baby!:P



  I don't know if in all this writing you understand what I'm trying to get at. We, as Christians, are the supers. We are special and different from normal people in that we have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of us. He is our power, our super power who enables us to do great things. And He gives us a gift, or several gifts (like Violet and Jack-Jack). Gifts for us to use. Gifts that no one else can have. They can copy and play at having them for a while (like Syndrome), but their plan and game eventually fall through. They lose. They lose everything they had gained for themselves. They even lose their life.
  And every super is different. No two are alike. Why? Because that's how God made us. He built us for community. He built us to compliment each other, to depend on each other, and to help each other. He didn't build us to work alone, because when you work alone you end up like Syndrome. When you work alone or try to, you end up like Bob: frustrated and scared of losing his family. But there's no fear in real love. Real love fights on, and real love fights alongside those around it. Why? Because together we're stronger. Alone Bob couldn't defeat the robot. Together they killed it.
  How many times though do we fall into doing things, and into using our gifts to make us feel good like Bob? How many times do we down-talk the power living within us and "poo-poo" (if you'll pardon the expression) the gifts we've been given like Helen? How often do we lose our identity and not communicate like Violet? How much curiosity do we allow to overcome us and so we disobey like Dash? I plead guilty, do you?
  We aren't perfect, but we are supers. We need the men to step up, lead, and "intervene" just like Helen asked Bob to! We need the women to stand beside the men and encourage the men like Helen does in the end, not be argumentative like Luscious' wife! And we need to all keep our focus on God, on Jesus and what He's done for us. Because without Him, we're nothing...even together. And through all the trials, even if we're scared or need stitches, we'll come out stronger from them in the end. Just like the Incredibles.
  So what are you waiting for? You've been given a wonderful gift, maybe more than one. Are you using it?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

No Picture...

No picture can paint
the scene in my head.
Brushstrokes are to hard
paint is too thin.

No photographer could capture
the beauty of it.
The scene is too large
the lighting too impossible.

No drawing can do justice
to the scene behind my eyes.
Pencil marks would mar it
black and white do not describe it.

It's simple.
It's lovely.
It's perfect.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Her Eyes...

 Her eyes
are like jewels
in
a sea of white
they shine
they
stick out
they speak...


Friday, November 19, 2010

Much...

Much to say...but no words.
Much to think...but no real thoughts.
Much to see...but no time.
Much to feel...but no expression.
Much to hear...but no voice.
Much to love...but no human reason.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Nephews...

I love to draw and color...













Games are a favorite pastime...



Silly faces are a specialty...



My eyes touch many hearts...






I make my aunties very happy...


I make them smile and laugh...


 With one look I could rule the world...


I give joy with every smile...

I am very much loved!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Light

Ellen = Light
what does light do?
it shines
in the darkness
it stands out
in the gloom.

I do not write this
in pride
or conceit.
I'm not looking
for an answer
from any
human being.
Don't want
any praise
or even sympathy.

I simply want
to remind myself
of what
I'm supposed to be
of what
God has made me.

The questions are:
Do I do it,
and do it well?
Do I reflect
all I should?
Do I live
for just one love?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

One of the Brave...

She's sat at death's door
heard it knock,
felt its breath.
And in the silence of her lips
her heart cried out,
it asked
for life.
When time was against her
when hope seemed
far and gone
the answer came
the freedom won
she's passed from death
to life.
She's one of the hero's,
one of the brave,
known by few
but well loved.
Every day she battles on
very few
understand the war.



Elo is 23 years old. She's had numerous health problems for as long as I've known her (about 4 years). Right now she needs a liver transplant. Her mother is the donor and has finally completed all the necessary testing. In July Elo got a cold, her body started to shut down and she had a stroke. Her whole right side became paralyzed and she almost died. She's in therapy and is getting better, but needs to be strong enough for the surgery and transplant. She needs lots of prayer...so please pray.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Sweet Sadness...

Where did those days go?
Locked in a cage
behind bars that will not bend
or move.

I can see them now
swarming and rushing,
trying to break free,
trying to escape.

Memories: they pound.
Hopes: they speak.
Troubles: they laugh
Dreams: they return.

But those days...
those days are gone forever.
What once was, is no more,
can never be again.

Simplicity...it may exist
but not like that,
it does not taste the same.
It has grown into something more...

Yet...there is no sorrow.
Memories, filled with love
may be filled with longing
but not sorrow, for sorrow holds regret.

There is sweet sadness, not bitter,
a joy in the remembrance
and letting go with tears
brings a smile to the heart.

Words...

  There are times when, despite my love of writing, words seem to become so shallow. Is it because we say too much, or not enough? In all the poetry, within all the songs, in all the stories and speeches...have we lost the meaning of what we're saying? Have such simple, powerful things such as words been over-used and over-emphasized? I can't help but think that so many words, so many expressive and powerful words, have been polluted and twisted into meaning something they were never created for. We've all heard, and we all know at least the first verse of the song "Joy to the World". But when we sing it, do we even think about what "Joy" actually means? Do we know how much feeling that word has been created to express? When I say the word "love", what do you think about? Does it strike anything deep and beyond expression in you, or do the thoughts of a lovely romance and a nice song come to mind? Do you really love chocolate, or do you just really like it? 

  Let's pull away from the most obvious words for a minute. If I were to call out "evil", what would you think of? Honestly. Can you actually pull together an exact meaning and feeling for that word? We live in a world and a society where things that are evil, are accepted as beautiful. Halloween rolls around and everyone hangs up skeletons, witches, and vampires. People long to see these things. Parents dress up there three year old as a witch and talk about how cute she looks. Whether you're a Christian, a Muslim, an Atheist, or anything else, you cannot deny that the word witch is associated with things such as "hag, she-devil, and sorceress". Whether you believe evil and sin exist in the world or that it's all just myth, why would you approve of something that symbolizes something so awful? What could possibly possess you to call it cute? It's simply this: words have lost their meaning. And we have lost ours...

These are the answers I believe most would give to each word without thinking:

Joy = happiness
Love = sexual romance
Evil = something bad

  So, I come back to one of my first questions: do we say too much, or not enough? I think, as confusing as it sounds, that we do both. We talk a great deal, but not usually about things that really matter. We use a great many deep words, but never think about what they actually mean. 
  And even now, who knows, maybe I'm talking away and making no sense to anyone but myself in my late night ramblings?!

Monday, November 8, 2010

The World Will Wonder...

Sometimes actions speak much louder than words. This is the best song I've found to describe this concept. Hope you enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAkokRrEbXQ

Friday, November 5, 2010

Soap



Like a bar of soap
moving when it's touched
you pick it up
you add some water
give it some energy
it slips and slides
from side
to side
it falls
to the ground
you reach down for it
it drops
through your fingers
determined
to run away
with determined look
and steadfast eye
a hand, unwavering
you pick it up once more
this time it obeys
this time 
you have control
for this time...you are master.




note: original image does not belong to me...

My Rap, COSIMK Anthem...

So...I will have you go to this site and listen to the first song. I hope you enjoy, I can confirm that I thoroughly enjoyed making it!:P And it's much better than just putting up the lyrics...

http://www.wix.com/flyabovenormality/music

Beat that all you PK'S!;D

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Bilingualism...

For all you bilingual's out there, whether because you're an MK, one of your parents speaks another language, or you were born in a country that speaks more than one language, this is for you! It's an old essay that I've fixed up a little...hope you enjoy!



  There is a time in life when some of us realize that we are different. A time when words find a deeper meaning in our minds because we hear them as more than one word. It is a time when we realize that we understand and speak things perfectly in two different languages. This happened to me when I was 13 and it was confusing! There were times when someone would ask me a question and my mind would go into a panic. Were they talking to me in English or Spanish? Sometimes, without wanting to, I would answer in the wrong language. The person I was talking to would frown, put on a tight smile and ask: "What did you say dear?" Then I'd feel my face go hot all over. It was usually no good trying to explain what a jumble my mind was in. And it was no good trying to convince them that I wasn't showing off.

  A lot of times, without realizing it, bilingual people create their own language. If they can't find the word for something in one language then they throw in the word for it in the other. I plead guilty of this. Many of my sentences run like this: "Miguel couldn't find the pandero so Chio didn't play tonight." And of course, unless the person I'm talking to knows what a pandero is, their face shows one big blank and I have to rack my brain for the right word.


  There are also times when I forget names or words all together. A friend will ask me how to say "alabanza" in English, or "engrossed" in Spanish, and my powers of speech leave me. In my mind "alabanza" is "alabanza" and "engrossed" is "engrossed". I will even have a complete brain freeze sometimes. I will look at a piece of clothing on the stairs and stare at it blankly while my mind panics because it cannot find the name for it in either language...it simply is what it is!

  Growing up bilingual can be confusing, but it can also have its advantages and laughs. I love walking into a Wal-Mart where the majority of the people are speaking Spanish. I feel guilty sometimes, like I'm some sort of spy, but I also feel a certain kind of power...and it's so much fun! I understand everything and no one knows that I do! I also love the times that I walk up to some unsuspecting someone and start jabbering away in Spanish. They look at my blond hair and blue eyes incredulously, ask a few questions, and then look partly amazed, partly impressed, and quite confused.

  When I was seventeen I went to a summer camp. It made me realize just how normal it has become for me to speak two languages. I take it for granted. But the kids around me thought I was something special. I became some kind of hero or celebrity in their eyes. And while it was nice to feel so important, in the end it was still nothing incredible to me to speak two languages. It's a part of me. I am who I am. I've grown up bilingual and I wouldn't have it any other way...even if it meant I could think more clearly!